January 29, 2009

Plus One

Now that the save the date cards are flowing in for next summer's wedding season it's time to go over some of the ground rules.

you cannot bring a guest to a wedding if you weren't explicitly invited with one. it's not up for negotiation. this is an old school rule that in our modern day people think is negotiable. i'm here to tell you it's not.

i have many a guy friend who is under the impression that if you're single and most of your friends are attached you too can bring a date to a wedding. this is not the case. the traditional rule was that if you're married you and your spouse would both be invited. that rule has morphed into inviting couples who live together. most guest lists are tight. weddings are expensive. weddings require a lot of planning. there are seating charts and costs associated with the number of guest attending. you cannot make up your own rules.

remember you are being invited to a very special appointment in this couple's life. you should feel honored that you were included. don't push it. 

i have one friend in particular who has been known to bring his on-again off-again girlfriend to weddings without a plus one. it's a close group of friends and people will rearrange knowing he's likely to show up with someone, at the last minute. this is really unacceptable. 

i will acknowledge that it's hard being alone. it's particularly hard going solo to wedding. but,  you have to deal with it. if you were going to a bbq or a cocktail party and you decided you wanted your significant other there, fine, i'm sure people would be happy to meet her. however, a planned dinner is not the time or the place. 

don't harass the bride about bringing your girlfriend or fling. she's not going to enjoy the conversation and you'll look like an ass. she probably had to cut some friends from college and some friends from work because they couldn't invite everyone. she might even be upset about having to cut the list short of close friends. when you call or email asking why you can't bring that special someone she's going to think twice abut how special you are if you feel comfortable asking for such an egregious favor. you were lucky enough to be included.

i know this is hard for couples who are talking about moving in together. imagine the scenario where the woman wants to move in, the guy is on the fence, his friend is getting married and it's sure to be a great night. she really wants to be included, but she's not close with the bride or groom. she's bound to feel hurt and left out on account of their living situation which she's already unhappy with. this sucks. no way around it. but the bride she has to draw the line somewhere and if she doesn't she'll end up paying for the wedding for the next 20 years. that's certainly not fair.


when it's your turn to tie the knot and you're negotiating with you soon-to-be mother-in-law about why your buddy the wrecker should be invited you'll understand what's worth fighting for and what's not. 

besides being single at a wedding can be a lot of fun if you play your cards right:-)

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for this post. It was well-written. I would love to partner with you to potentially 'guest blog' on my blog, The Bridal BFF. I heard about your blog in the Improper Bostonian article, Guest Intentions (which I loved reading!). I have started to incorporate wedding etiquette on my blog, and I just love some of the topics you have written about!